She's threatening to leave me

Query 1: I have a question, my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum two days ago, she said if I didn't get help with dealing with my anger, she said she would leave me.

Now I am feeling resentment towards her and wondering if we should even be together. Was this right of her to tell me that I need to get help no matter what it takes, or costs? My anger is confined to yelling and tantrums, I never have or would I hit her thank you .

Reply 1: My views? (And that's all they are  - not the 'truth'!)

She has a right to go or to stay. What she appears to be saying (from your version of it, anyway) is that your yelling and your tantrums do not make being with you a happy experience, however much she may love you.

Which is quite understandable. Who'd want to be with someone who uses behaviours that provoke fear!

Being around someone who 'loses it' and explodes with angry behaviour is not fun. It can be terrifying.

You say you won't hit/hurt.

Can you be sure? If you cannot control you anger outbursts how can you guarantee that you will control HOW they are expressed?? How can you guarantee that you will NOT hit her? 

You are either in control - or you're not. So if you are in control - and if do you love her - then control the anger, in the first place.

Come on, now! It's not much of a deal to say to someone - "if you love me you'll let me explode and yell at you and throw things around and bang doors and generally terrify you" is it?

In her place I would not give you an ultimatum. I'd be gone long ago. Who needs to live with that! She must love you a lot to even be around now. So think about what you're in danger of losing.

And think of who might replace her.... A wimp who let you walk over them...? Is that the kind of person you'll respect? Is that the kind of person you could live with for the rest of your life? Someone who had so little self respect that they 'd put up with anything!

And all because you want the right to be unpleasant - rather than get some assistance. Sounds like you've got a good person there, in your girlfriend. Don't screw it up..... Regards, Reg

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