Pegasus NLP

Mind-Body Health Site

Practical applications of NLP in your life

Updated Tuesday, 08 July 2008

Home
Up

NLP Courses

NLP Blog

NLP Newsletter

NLP Conference

Search this site

 

Can I help my boyfriend?

Query: My boyfriend is in need of help in controlling his anger. He has read all the info in your web pages. He is getting help by going to anger management. 

How can I as a girlfriend help him and is there any information about supporting him as he goes through this?

 

Reply: First of all, congratulations to you both for the team-approach you are taking to this.

As your partner will have read, anger is not a weakness - it's a soft-wired response that we develop - often at a quite young age.

So treating it as an issue for both of you to work on will make things a lot easier for him than if he were teamed up with someone who simply demanded you've got a problem - and if we're going to continue then you'd better sort yourself out!

How to help? The biggest help is simply being there. Allowing the space to talk about the anger management programme if he wants to. Or to not talk about it if that's what he wants.

Sometimes the best support we can offer people is simply being there, watching, noticing, listening - really listening, and giving them the space to talk if and when they want to and to remain silent if that's what they need.

There's a fashion in new age/counselling circles that people have to share everything to be truthful, or valid, or healthy. 

Not so. For some people talking about a problem (other than, perhaps, in a professional setting) can make it seem worse rather than help with it.

Finally, I would suggest that you're doing the best thing by simply recognising

1. That this is something your boyfriend is a victim of

2. That he IS actively working on

3. That when the anger 'buttons' are triggered he has little conscious control

Of course, it would be a completely different matter if he were using this I have no control thing as an alibi to be obnoxious - but he is not. Keep working on it as a team. Good luck to you both. Best wishes, Reg

 

 

 

Important: please read our caution regarding all health-related advice.

NLP

NLP has been used in the development of many of the ideas and themes on this site. I have been using it for around 25 years to help me understand how I and other people tick and in my work as a consultant and trainer - and it continually impresses me. If you would like to know more about NLP the following links lead to our other site: 

What is NLP + NLP FAQ

Why learn NLP

Where to learn NLP

About our NLP Trainings

NLP and outdoor activities

NLP Worldwide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read our caution about health-related advice

Pegasus NLP - on the web since 1998

Founder Member of the Professional Guild  of NLP - All material copyright © 1998/2008 Reg Connolly - UK English spelling used throughout.